I Miss The Old Stereotype

Gamers have always been stereotyped. I never particularly minded. Gaming is the biggest media industry and to me, the most fun. There was a day when Nintendo made the highest quality games and Mario was a sign of quality. (Don't worry, this isn't another nostalgic rant, just a terrifying observation.)

Peripherals are hit and miss. Shotguns make House of the Dead fun, pretend mini golf clubs make Wii Golf pathetic. But how about a soft toy baby?

"Play along with Mama and do everything a real babysitter would do. Mama will teach you how to keep your baby happy and healthy!"

What the hell is going on? I used to laugh at these things. The problem now is that they sell. They conquer the charts and spawn endless sequels. I always thought that a game with all the effort of cooking but no reward would quickly fail. But it became successful enough to branch out; into this ****! 

I found this game being advertised and sold in the front section of GAME. A section usually reserved for the massive releases of the year. Call of Duty, Halo, Killzone, Forza, Gran Turismo, Cooking Mama World: Babysitting Mama, Gears of War, Uncharted. Something in that list just doesn't look right.

Consistency Confusion

Clothes sizes have always varied. It's a simple fact of variation. But today I have been stunned. Today I had to take back a Quiksilver shirt because it was too small. This doesn't sound like a big deal until I mention that the shirt concerned was a large. I am buying an extra large shirts. To put this into perspective, I buy a small LLanelli Scarlets shirt. I am by no means an extra large person. The only conclusion I can draw is that the average Quiksilver shopper is extremely anorexic. It's about time shops call it a day and start using the same sizing scheme. Jeans are measured in waist and leg. You know your size, you know your jeans. Why can't they do this with shirts?

Error?

I just received an error IN GAME.
An interesting message popped up.

    Error
    dobj for xmodel
    'c_rus_spetznaz_body1_g_larmoff' has more
    than 160 bones (see console for details)

WTF is going on?
It made me quit the game and lose my level progress.
I've seen glitches, but never a message pop up.

Being Let Down

A few weeks ago I ordered a Transformer from Kapow Toys through Amazon. I waited until a week after the latest delivery estimate before contacting them about the undelivered order. After a few days they wrote back saying that there were no more left so they couldn't send me a replacement and refunded the order.

Now, if this is true, I understand. Sometimes thing get lost, a refund is fine by me. The problem is that I wasted 3 weeks of my time waiting for the thing to turn up. Checking their feedback shows that I am not the only one. Others have had late orders and not had it turn up at all. Yet these people left 5 star feedback. Do they not realise how misleading this is? If you order, it should turn up. Failing to deliver is failing your customer. Now I'm back to square one, minus 3 weeks.

Sorry

I BOUGHT BLACK OPS.

There. Deal with it. I had no intentions of purchasing it. But, Treyarch have worked hard. The game still graphically looks the same as MW2. The story will still be as short. But most of my complaints have been addressed.

Split screen now has AI bots. That was enough for me. But that isn't all. You now get money instead of XP, so your hard work can now be spent wisely. The new multiplayer modes look fantastic. Soldiers can be customised eg. face paint. Juggernaut, Commando and Stopping Power have been removed. The era was chosen well, guns are still powerful but not ridiculous (AA12?). The biggest surprise? Red dot sights. You can now change the lens colour, the reticule colour and the reticle. Have you ever seen a green smiley face sight? I will still avoid online like it's FIFA, but I'm looking forward to the next 100 hours of split-screen.

Inconsistent Journalism

I have regularly read IGN for a long time now. I enjoy their articles, appreciate their news and trusted their reviews. Note that word, "trusted". For some unknown reason their journalists quality has drastically slumped. It all seemed to start with Halo Reach.

Now this is not a fanboy rant. I think Reach is a decent game. I am irritated when people say 3 was better (it really isn't). But, I don't think it deserves a 10. I'd give it an 8, maybe a 9 at a push. But the 10 confirmed by worst fears that games are no longer rated by the content, but by the title.

I predict that Black Ops will receive a 10. It may well be a decent game. But the fact it is Call of Duty automatically issues it a 10. This is what makes me angry. Many stunning games are overlooked because big names always get good scores. What sort of world is it when FIFA releases FIFA 10 and FIFA World Cup 2010 as separate games and we are fine with it?

I will keep the rant to a minimum and concentrate on IGN. Recently they reviewed Time Crisis: Razing Storm. Sarcastic Gamer gave it a "Buy It" award, stating it had many flaws but was still the enjoyable arcade experience faithfully recreated in your living room. IGN on the other hand awarded it a 4, stating reasons such as linear levels and poor story. It's Time Crisis, I know. I know the story is bad, I know the graphics are poor. All I wanted to know was whether or not it was FUN. But instead they criticised everything thing that makes it Time Crisis in the first place.

Now I feel they have gone way too far. With the launch of Kinect. They claim the price is far too high, yet give the price a 7. Despite a "noticeable delay" in detection, the performance has a 7 to. A 7 is good. Laggy motion controls are bad, ridiculous prices are bad. A 7.5 overall hardly seems justified by over-priced motion controls that have real lag.

There it is. Rant over. Thank you for sticking with it to the end. I feel it is now time to write my next article. I apologise in advance.

List of Awesome People

A massive thank you to everyone who donated to my Extra Life.
I will be posting on Saturday / Sunday will updates on my progress here.

Connor Knapton

Nicholas Patten

Ryan Gibbs

Christopher James

Robert Davies

Nia Jenkins

Meurig and Jacqueline Jenkins
Heulwyn and Richard

Jan and Nick Phipps

Edna and John Jenkins

Gareth and Claire Hind
George Hind
David Newman

Mr Donnelley

Miss Daley

Mr Tatham

Mr Beynon

Miss Thistlewood

Miss Cochlin

Portal 2

Not stupid, just completely insane!
(I will keep updating when I find out more)

There Goes My Time

2 weeks. 2 WHOLE weeks of politics, tutor sessions and career talks. Whose great idea was this?

To start with, politics. Basically we spent the entire day being told that politics is relevant to everyone because it is everything. That's it. I lost a day, which I could have spent sleeping, to learn nothing.

The tutor sessions aren't going to be any better. I don't need to explain why, they're tutor sessions.

Finally, I get to finish off the fortnight with 3 careers talks. With minimal choice and very specific talks, I was unable to find anything that could possible benefit me at all. There was not a single talk to do with creative arts, programming or even IT. How can they completely omit computers when talking about careers. With EVERYTHING now being run by computers, I thought they would at least had a speech on programming.

I just wonder who it is that decides what should be done in education. By looking at their decisions I have deduced that they must be friendless, boring, bitter and kept from the outside world.

Bring on next year.

It's Worth More, It Has History

A Change In Topic

As I write this I am not thinking of something that sucks. I am thinking of something that is truly great. My new iPad. I don't need to say anymore.

No I Will Not Join

£1,000,000 to the person who convinces me to join Facebook. I just WILL NOT do it. Making friends with e-perverts, joining retarded groups and taking abysmal personality tests. Most people I know think it sucks and told me "I only joined because everyone else did". As a base rule, I hate social networking. I only joined Blogger because my PS3 was down and I needed to kill time.

Feel free to try to convince me in the comments. But I should mention that I would rather write notes in my own blood than chat on Facebook, so don't use that as a reason.

Post dedicated to Jenny. If you want to chat, ring me!

Sleep? Why?

After recently receiving a stream of comments in the early morning it gave me an idea for the post. I haven't slept properly for the past four months. All it does to me is make me tired for the first hour of the day. So recently I have been awake and active until 3am. It allows me much more time to work, play guitar, complete games and generally makes me happier. 

But, as usual, my parents heard me moving around and are now angry at me for not sleeping much. The thing is, I'm fine. They miss a few minutes sleep and they can't function for the rest of the week. So why should I waste my youth by unnecessarily sleeping. Let's be honest, all the good TV is a night, nothing interesting happens in the morning. Would you rather watch Mock the Week or CBBC?

All I can say is that without this extra time to kill, I wouldn't have brought my blog back or got any college work done. Although after recently trying to sleep early and spending 4 hours failing I fear it may be insomnia, not youth that keeps me going.

Credit to Ryan for the post idea. Thanks for the comments : )

What A "Genius"

I am now the "proud" owner of a new iPod Classic 160Gb.

Long story short, old iPod broke, now I have new iPod. Even my waterproof, shockproof, invincible case couldn't save it. The hard drive died. The model was ex-display so it was a couple of years old.

Now we reach the problem for this post. It doesn't suck and I'm not angry. Apple got me a free Genius appointment and sorted the problems quickly. So I'll tag it something random. I think "broken stuff" will do.

The funny thing is that when I told the "Genius" what I had tried he agreed that I had done everything that could be done. Even without training I had managed to outperform a "Genius". Good qualifications, polite, intelligent and proven experience. Why would they hire me?

Wasting My Time

I should start by saying that we were told to keep the details of the Apple hiring seminar a secret. But after they wasted my time like this. I feel it's ok for me to share the base information.

We sat at a table for one and a half hours watching the world's longest keynote about working at Apple and sharing opinions and stories. It was trivial and quite boring. Why try to convince applicants to WANT the job? They already applied and got here.

After that we had 2 minutes each to do a role play, serving a customer. The "customer" knew his scenario, you didn't. The first guy in my group got a tech minded customer wanting an iMac. The next guy got someone who wanted an iPad. I got someone who was sheltering from the rain who didn't want or know anything about computers. WHY?

We were then told to wait a week for a reply. After 2 days I got a template rejection e-mail. So I had wasted my day for nothing. Not even a personalised e-mail.

Apple is a great company, ruined by it's official retailers. That's why I got my laptop, and recommend everyone else does, from a licensed retailer. Better service, better knowledge, better price.

Seriously, Go Away

OMG. No way. She didn't.

Normally, I try not to condemn others for being different. But after spending 2 hours working while having to listen to the above about 400 times, I have snapped. Shut up, go away and leave now.

At first I thought it was just how she talked on the phone. But when her friends turned up, it was EXACTLY the same. If it's a condition that doesn't allow you to hold a proper conversation then I am sorry. But I seriously doubt there is any condition in the world that can make you that irritating. Or to put it in her terms STFU or GTFO.

Crocs

They are not cool, stylish, practical, rugged, comfortable or fashionable. If you choose to wear this footwear designed by a three year old. I have an interesting thing to mention. They are made with slave labour. The children who colour them have no ventilation and usually die after just 3 years of production.

Now look at your luminous, child-killing, eyesore and tell me they are good. Save money, save lives. Buy flip flops.

Why Are They Allowed Outside?

Extracts from "Conversation for idiots"
Written by the a single person

1  67% of statistics are made up
2  Really?
1  It's a joke.
2  I don't get it

1  Has anyone been to Greenland?
2  What's that?
1  A country.
2  There's a country called Greenland?

1  Cheryl's amazing. She's really smart. I love her. She's my idol.

There Goes My Source

Reliability is one thing you will not get from some people. Teletext Game Central is one of them. What did they give Heavy Rain? 4! I took a look at their scores to see HOW they had reached Metacritic worthiness. They have the most sporadic scoring I have yet to see. How can you praise every game with Mario for ingenuity and graphics, while hammering Heavy Rain saying it's two dimensional. I have watched my sister play the game, we both have entirely different opinions on who the killer is and my sister found scenes I never knew about. This is one of the most complex games I have ever seen.

On another note. Metacritic has had issues with being trustworthy over the last year. Nintendo has so many magazines they own, or have some influence over, that every game they release is guaranteed a 9 or 10. How does "New" Super Mario Bros. deserve any praise at all for innovation? They updated graphics and added multiplayer. It's not like that hasn't been done before.

That's why I switched to IGN for reviews months ago. Plus, if one of their reviews looks too low. You can check if the US, UK, and AU reviews match. Finally, some consistency.

Windows 7 Second Adverts

Talk quick. Mention feature already on Vista. Show pointless demonstration. Roll title. Person says "I'm a PC".

Wow. They ALMOST managed to follow the "Windows 7 was my idea" campaign with a worse one. At least these adverts are over quicker. I suppose that's why there a 2 of them every advert break. Why don't they just be honest. I have 2 ideas for future adverts.

1: "Windows, because you can't afford a Mac"
2: "Windows 7. It's XP with a facelift"

Simple, quick, efficient and true. All things good adverts should be.

RM Computers

Today I had to present my Welsh Bac presentation. Now, we all know the limited options available for Powerpoint animations. So naturally, I went for the least bad effect, typewriter. On my computer at home it writes the paragraph in about 2 seconds. I had tested this on desktop and laptops and it was fine.

So today I brought the presentation into college and as soon as the lesson started we were told to present our work. I opened the Powerpoint and hit enter. Nothing for about 5 seconds, then half the words appeared, then more waiting, then the next 4 letters appeared. The teacher stopped my presentation, commented that the slides were distracting and unreadable, then made me remove all of the animation in the slide-show.

I told her that it was meant to be a smooth effect, but the computer fast enough. I was then told it was my fault I didn't test it. I didn't even have any time to test it. So know I have lost marks for my work thanks to slow computers. Thank you RM for destroying my work and effort.

To sum up my feelings, I created a metaphorical recreation of my reaction.

Upgrades

More features, more updates, more things to go wrong. The 8001050f error killed 90% of "fat" PS3s for 24 hours over Monday. I know it shouldn't be hard to live without my PS3 for 24 hours. I probably would have been busy anyway. But the minute you know you can't use it, you want to.

The strangest thing is that it reset the date to 31/12/1999. The Y2K bug it true! It's 10 years and 3 months late, but it actually happened (minus data loss and destruction). All because their was a fault with the calendar programming. As I said earlier, too many features. A whole system brought down because it couldn't find the right date. So to commemorate the event I created a wallpaper. Enjoy.

Oven Pride

Have you seen the advert for Oven Pride? "So easy, a man can do it." I just can't get over how hypocritical the social system is. Around Christmas there was an advert for a washing line saying "give her something special this Christmas". There was complete uproar about it and the advert was removed. But, after Sheila's Wheels, we know that insulting men is perfectly fine. Sexism, racism, ageism, why does EVERYTHING only one way?

Moodle (part 2)

It is now working. Moodle thought that it was my first login, despite having used it quite a few times. I had to log in from college, reset my password and re-agree to the terms. NOW I can use Moodle again. Want to know the best bit? The work I needed from Moodle cannot be found by anyone.

UGG Boots

Warning: The following article conatins dangerous amounts of sarcastic quote marks

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

£200 for a pair of boots. They are not rugged, waterproof, bulletproof, jet-powered, or have wheels. Why the high price? Because they are "fashionable". My favourite thing is that "fashion" is based on my least favourite group of people in the world, "celebrities". The people who are famous for being famous are now deciding what is worth preposterous amounts of money and the brain-dead public is following. I am perfectly happy with my £40 DCs. They are waterproof, rugged and cheap. It's nice to see the Big Brother followers are busy spending their false benefits so they can look like "celebrities". "Well done!"

SCEA

The box art for Heavy Rain in USA was so bad that they have released the EU box art file for Americans to print out and replace their case with. First of all, why would you only notice how bad it is after release? Secondly, is it wise to allow customers to print their own game covers? Copyright/Piracy may have been given a boost. Well, at least the EU got the good cover.

Idiots

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

I should probably start with this, I don't hate ALL stupid people. But I cannot stand stupid people who think they are clever. I have met my fair share. The exact Barbie stereotypes (3 of them) in my class spend the whole lesson complaining that people think they're stupid because they're blonde. I don't think they're stupid because they're blonde. I think they're stupid AND they're blonde. One of them thought we poor people don't need more money because "they're used to it."

Maybe if we spent lees time making excuses for idiotic people and more time teaching them, we would have much less morons. Too many people with ACTUAL issues get ignored while thick others shout about being Dyslexic. You don't have the condition. 90% of people I have ever met claim to have Dyslexia. I doubt that even 2% of them do. But it's easier to claim disorder and sit back, than work hard and improve.

Moodle

My login has broken. I logged in earlier today and it was fine. An hour later and it now decides that my username doesn't exist. There are no links for help. All I can do is send an email to my set e-mail address, which I was never given.

Now all I can do is wait for Welsh Baq to be asked why I didn't do the work left on Moodle. "My login doesn't work" Why do all real excuses sound fake? I tried to look for it earlier this week, but there are 8 different Welsh Baq courses with very similar titles. None of them had any work left for my class. Why can't teachers set up a webpage properly?

Gel Productions

While these posters are much better than previous schools. I can't help but think someone had given a child Photoshop again. The poster is very cluttered, the black text on brown camo in the corner is a very poor decision and the background is repeated poorly. Halfway down the poster you can see that the camo background doesn't join. An inverted version of the background would have fitted fine.

There is also far too much text on the poster. I think the header is good, but the amount of information is just too much. Also, I can't understand why they chose to put the swirl across the poster. I feel the need to point out "£5IVE", obviously someone wants to look cool.

My last complaint is the advert on the webpage. It is COVERED in stars for no reason. The "world famous" DJs they have cannot be found on Google. The link to their webpage forward you to their Myspace page, full of out of date information, cheap Flash plugins and dead Photobucket links.

It turns out that the guy who runs it is 45. That explains all of the "groovy" speak. Let's be honest "UV it up!" is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. I can't wait to miss this party.

Powerpoint

The easiest and quickest way to turn a crowd suicidal.

Is there any other way to drive people crazy so efficiently? Every slideshow produced by Powerpoint is boring, unimaginative and cluttered. All the slideshows I have sat through in the education system have been stuffed with clipart animations and every object has the same sound and animation as the others. The objective is to INTEREST the audience, not make them fall asleep.

If Windows 7 was actually thought up by retarded actors actual customers, I have an idea. I'll ask Microsoft to scrap Powerpoint. Roll on Windows 8!

Hating iPad

I know it has no Flash Player. I don't care. The only time Safari crashes is when Flash Player breaks it. Bring on HTML5 and reliability. Just look at the iPad like this. An eBook with massive memory, internet browser, iWork, iTunes, Appstore, GREAT battery, large screen, thin shell, fast processor and competitive price. Stop thinking of it as an iPod and start thinking of it as an eBook or portable movie player. All they need to do is change the name.

Octobit

Just a quick post as it is driving me crazy. Over the week I have been travelling. From restaurants to parties I have been subjected to the worst music around, Octobit. The Gameboy was one of the first handheld consoles to uses Ocobit (music with only eight notes). Several years later and the DS is no better. The lack of voices, poor speakers and repetitive soundtracks are appalling. Everywhere I go there is a child playing Pony Puzzle Adventure (or something like that). If I have to put up with another 30 minute session of bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep, I will start work on a portable EMP device to put and end to it.

New Super Mario Bros

First of all, is it really right to call a re-release "New"?

Secondly the advert is ridiculous. 4 players, on the same screen, at the same time!!!!!!!! PS2 had that. They're too busy re-advertising existing features to develop new ones. Nintendo hit the perfect mark (to con people) with the Wii. Since then they just keep releasing old junk. We had weighing scales before Wii fit. We had internet before Wii channels. The worst thing is that every brainwashed owner will be clawing at the door for EVERY "new" thing they create.

Windows 7

Wow. All new (not really) features. Come on Microsoft, stop taking the piss. All the features advertised for Windows 7 are available on Vista or XP. You have to be a real idiot to be impressed by network sharing, never mind not realising you probably have it now anyway.

DVD Storage

The Lost Planet 2 development team revealed they had to cut a "significant amount" of the game due to the size of a DVD. They also cut it from the PS3 version to keep the versions equal. It will be released later as DLC.

Well done Xbox. Due to your poor choice of storage media PS3 has to miss out as well or pay for something we should have had for free.

Prince of Persia

The new game will allow you to control elements. You can stop water. Not freeze it, but STOP it. It allows you to use waterfalls as walls etc. As if stopping time wasn't stupid enough. I bet next game will let you stop enemies and the game after that will let you stop buying Prince of Persia and wasting money.

I'm Back

New look, new title, new objective. Pointing out the stupid things in the world.

Yes. I know it's a downloaded template. But I'll keep modding it to make it suit me better. I left the links because the designer deserves credit. Check out the site for some brilliant templates.

To start here are a few things that have bothered me this week.